Etiquette for the Christian

Within the fine home of Mr. and Mrs. O, there was no longer apple-pie order. The little O’s ran unchecked. At mealtime, they slurped, smacked, and belched, things they thought funny enough to repeat often and to compete for. Sometimes they fell from chairs and rolled on the floor. Not one sat properly in his chair, even on the best of days.

You might expect to see a small O pour a bit of syrup on the table to see if it soaked up in the tablecloth, or use his spoon to flick a pea toward his little sister, or squirt ketchup on his and his neighbors’ foods for the sheer joy of squirting ketchup. Unwanted piles of chilly greens usually huddled on the plates until the end of the meal. When it seemed to them that the meal was over, they would make a beeline for the toys with no thanks, no help with the dishes for the gentle and exhausted Mrs. O. From one thing to the next, these little ones roared, leaving a wake of wreckage at the end of which followed Mrs. O, bent over, cleaning up. And so the days pass.

Why does this annoy and repulse me? Is this a right or wrong issue? Or is it merely a cultural nuance that has been filed accidentally in the “Right and Wrong” category? Are manners merely parental preferences, or are they something more foundational?

Backgrounds and cultures vary. In some parts of the world, a belch is a fine way to express satisfaction and appreciation for a meal well served, while in other regions, it would ruin appetites. In some places, food left on your plate says, “I have had enough, and it was great. Thank you.” Elsewhere, the same gesture signifies ungratefulness and distaste. Eat rice and curry with fingers in India; don’t you dare in Canada. Does international diversity make manners obsolete in our age of travel and blending cultures?

Manners are like the chocolate in a Kinder surprise, pleasant and gratifying. But the tiny plastic toy hidden inside the chocolate egg is better yet[1]. Even after the chocolate is gone, something more valuable and lasting remains. When we travel and our manners are rendered irrelevant, we stand with our principles still in hand, well-equipped to navigate different cultures. The principles our manners represent hold value anywhere and anytime in the world. Habits of conduct indicate attitudes; therein lies their importance.

Oddly enough, conviction builds upon practice in practical matters like manners. As a child is taught to handle himself respectfully, he responds in obedience, but not conviction. However, those habits become part of him, and without him noticing it, they morph from, “What mom says I should do,” to, “What I believe in and will teach my children.” He has claimed the toy after eating the chocolate.

Several core values build upon manners. One is decency. When the apostle Paul commands in Corinthians to do things decently and in order, he is speaking of politeness, good taste, and propriety. As a child learns good manners, he dons a dignified air. His manners please his companions, buy him favour, and help him avoid offending others.

Discipline determines destiny. No one can walk the straight and narrow way without knowing how to discipline themselves in mind and body. When parents teach their children good manners, they are laying the foundation for personal self-discipline. You don’t have to look far into our world to see what the default methods of conduct are: they are based on impulse, greed, and need for speed. As children learn to control their natural impulses, they exercise their minds in making deliberate choices based on principles. They come to understand that not all default bodily functions are appropriate.

Manners establish thankfulness. A sincere “thank you” is a gem which builds friendships, cools fire, and fulfills a favour. Yet there’s something deeper. How often have you heard thanks expressed when no deed stood by to prove its authenticity? Our treatment of the thing we are given speaks our thanks. As a person eats his meal with grace, he conveys thankfulness by his reverence. Handling food and utensils carelessly devalues them and conveys this to the host. Removing or wiping shoes states appreciation for the opportunity to enter and acknowledges the effort it takes to clean up a mess. Leaving a room tidy and clean upon exit expresses gratefulness for the use of it. As children learn to handle something carefully, they learn the value of that object. This stands them in excellent stead even when the meal served in a foreign country makes them gag. They will still realize its value and treat it with proper thankfulness. Furthermore, as they learn to be thankful to people, they learn to be thankful to God.

Deep within the matter of manners lies another treasure: honor. It goes hand-in-hand with thankfulness, yet it carries its own beauty. It is another gem whose value is seldom missed when present. Apostle Peter said, “Honor all men” (revere them, prize them, hold them in high regard). As a person bears himself with poise, he exudes honor. The apologies that follow his blunders show respect for the presence of another person. When he holds the door for someone or allows them to go first, he is clearly showing that he values them above himself. Polite titles of “Sir” or “Ma’am” articulate his honor for the elderly, for authorities, or for beggars, showing his understanding that every person is worthy of honor.

Respect and esteem for others is a vital part of a Christian’s attitude. Children should be taught these graces, for it will program their young minds with the distinct belief that others are valuable and deserve honor. They will be equipped with the right mentality to extend the love of Christ to any person on earth. When they face the challenges of church life and the temptation to judge or condemn others, they will be better balanced as they constantly remember to honor others. They will honor God by honoring others.

As the stones of propriety, discipline, thankfulness, and honor are cut and polished, their value and rarity increase. Coupled with the loving attitude of the Christian, they become gems fit for the King’s crown. When the saint stands before the throne on Judgement Day, he will be compelled to open his hand and show his deeds, whereby his faith is proven. Lying in his palm will be these sparkling jewels, reflecting the Light in dazzling beauty. They give evidence of his sincerity, his diligence, his love for God and man. They show how he used his everyday opportunities and his tools from the Master. The common stones of manners turned eternally beautiful.

[1] Kinder surprises are illegal in the U.S., but they are quite popular in many other countries. They are a chocolate egg with a small toy hidden inside.