Protection by Exposure

Those who own a fully restored ’55 Chevy will likely also own a car cover and garage bay for it because sun and rain will fade the paint and rust the metal. Earnest Shackleton wore coats, mitts, and boots when he was in Antarctica because frostbite hurts. Dwellers of the desert wrap themselves because they know the piercing gaze of southern sun. Whether we’re talking about an Arctic expedition, a snake pit, or fine china, protection and exposure are opposites. Some people think this principle applies in all applications.

Junior’s ride swings into the school yard and stops. Mr. Lump is back, hanging out in his throat. Bravely, he grabs his backpack and walks into school, the familiar echoes of laughter and sport in the gym beating back his bravado. He lingers, changing his shoes, loitering in the hallway, arranging his belongings in his locker. In the classroom, Junior scans the checked work that lies on his desk, then tucks each book away. It seems a little early to go to the gym so he wanders to the fish tank to see how his favourite tetra is doing. It’s now only six minutes until the bell rings. Finally, because it’s awkward being the only student in the room with the teacher, he gives Mr. Lump another determined dunk and goes to join the four-square. His first try at square one results in a fumble. Two lowered eyelids struggle to contain the liquid that suddenly threatens them as Junior walks to the back of the line. The game roars on around him.

What’s going on here? This is looking a little raw. There are likely many causes for this sort of a situation, but I’ll address one possibility. What if Junior feels like a martyr? Does he remember how his mom’s eyes glistened when he told her yesterday that no one picked him to be on their base at recess? Is he clinging to the distant gleam of hope that his family will move away soon? Life will be so much better when people just learn to treat him nice for once. A problem sprouts.

The problem pushes skyward as a nasty weed when his parents think so, too. This trap is just waiting for an unsuspecting ma or pa. Junior comes home, distraught. He tells his tale with tears. “They laughed at me!” And his wobbly world finally falls and rolls around in the dirt. Dad’s jaw tightens and his backbone stiffens. Mom looks up at her husband, clearly exasperated. Soon Junior is deep in his parents’ arms, listening to their crooning. The struggles of the pre-teens are so rough.

Is there anything wrong with this picture?

Children will be children. There will be times when a child ends up with the last cookie, the one with the fewest chocolate chips. There will be times when his peers laugh at his clumsy strike or snicker at his mispronounced word. These misfortunes don’t happen because a child is disliked; they simply happen because it’s life. No one always gets the longest straw. As a child grows into an adult, those blows might even come a little thicker and faster. How will they bear the barrage?

Parents hand their child a scorpion when they try to shield him from all slights and commiserate with him every time one comes. They rub his wound a little rawer and make sure it doesn’t heal. They convey to him that the world owes him a bowed knee and doffed cap. Junior gains the impression that whoever does not hold his hand and tie his shoes for him is not his friend but his antagonist. He soon feels isolated for no reason. With unrealistic expectations, he is poised at the edge of a desperate and depressing life. Every group he adheres too will sooner or later disappoint him and he will turn away with a quivering bottom lip and teary eyes to continue seeking that elusive nirvana.

In fact, this route ensures that a child has a hard time at school. When his parents teach him that “Esteeming others better than himself” is what he should be receiving, they place him in an impossible position. The teacher, if it’s the kind of teacher most parents want, will refuse to hold one student above another. How will Junior fare then? He will feel slighted when he gets no more attention than anyone else. He will soon write off his teacher as unfair when the facts are exactly opposite.

There’s a better way. Exposure. Not exposure to all manner of wrong influences and more trouble than necessary, but exposure to the reality of life. Life hands out sucker punches and curve balls with a vengeance. Parents can begin to fortify their children early. Of course, it is a parent’s job to listen and show all due care; but, rather than getting worked up with Junior, they could tell him lovingly to “buck up and be a man.” Expose him to the cold facts that life is not always fair, people are not always kind, and his friends were not irrevocably forsaking their friendship by laughing at him. Even if Mom and Dad know that his friends’ actions were terrible, they will do him no favour to confirm it to him. Instead, they could expose him to the fact that even if his friends became sabre-swinging murderers who hacked his limbs off one by one, he still would need to forgive and love them. Teaching Junior that he needs to return good to those hurtful people, smile at them, and be their friend equips him to love them genuinely.

Children will hardly navigate the treacherous waters of life victoriously any other way. Many Christians become casualties because they don’t know how to handle a slight.

As a child is exposed to life, he will build an immunity that will protect him through it. His thick skin will enable him to look beyond others’ shortcomings and see and care about them as people instead of being offended by their ways. He will be able to handle rebuff with resilience. We call it strong character. It’s the way of the Christian.