Real-Life Marriage

Read the following two stories, then check the blank in front of the story that matches closest God’s plan for marriage.

(1)___ Far away in the Land of Enchantment lived a beautiful princess. Few had ever laid eyes upon her, but for those who had, they attempted to describe her by comparing her to the bloom of a trillium or the radiant light from a summer super moon, but somehow their words were always inadequate.

In a nearby castle lived a handsome prince. Few had ever been fortunate enough to see him with their own two eyes, but for those who had, they tried to describe him by comparing him to a courageous African lion or an immovable mountain like Everest, but somehow their words always fell short.

One day the lovely princess took a walk into the forest and was taken hostage by a band of rebels intent on laying their hands on some of the king’s vast store of silver by demanding a ransom. They marched the princess to a damp cave deep within the forest where they planned to keep her until the king heeded their orders.

These rascals had forgotten to take one aspect into consideration; that nearby lived a prince whose strong courage was far greater than all of theirs put together. Of all days, this was one when the prince took his magnificent white horse out for a ride through the forest. As he passed a certain dark cave, he heard what he thought were desperate cries for help. Upon further investigation, he discovered the plot of these rogues, and all his courageous strength rose within himself and he chased them all off and rescued the beautiful princess.

The handsome prince was so captivated by the beautiful princess and the beautiful princess was so enthralled by the handsome prince that they married, built their own castle on the very spot where the daring rescue had taken place, and lived happily ever after with starry eyes and fluttering hearts.

(2)___ Not so far away in the Land of Duty lived a middle-aged man and his middle-aged wife in a middle-aged house. The casual observer passing by, seeing the man going off to another day of work and the wife hanging out the morning laundry, would never once have thought that life for this couple was anything less than what was considered normal for mankind in the Land of Duty.

However, for the rare observer who had risen above the invisible fog which lay heavily on the hearts of the inhabitants in the Land of Duty and who cared enough to catch the heartbeat of this middle-aged man and his middle-aged wife, he knew all too well that all was not well for them. As the middle-aged man drove out the driveway to begin another day at his place of employment, he tried valiantly not to compare his present life with the life he had enjoyed not so many years in the past, the life when he was young and his wife was young and she would be excited to see him coming home from work, anticipating a happy evening reading and talking together, sharing love and wondering why the older folks around them lived in such a somber, lifeless manner.

As the middle-aged wife hung another pair of pants on the line she tried bravely to squeeze back the tears as she thought about the life she had enjoyed not so long ago, when she was young and her husband was young and he couldn’t wait to come home from work to spend time with her, sharing with her all the sweet nothings a woman loves to hear and making her feel like the princess in the story she had read when she was a girl. She had never been able to understand why the other couples around them, even the ones not much older than they, lived like joy was only a figment of one’s imagination.

But now that gray fog had also enshrouded the middle-aged man and his middle-aged wife with the bone-numbing weariness of raising a family, paying the bills, fulfilling church responsibilities, and doing the who-knows-what-all-else that goes with the middle-aged life, and both of them desperately wondered if they would be able to survive much more than another week in the dreary Land of Duty.

Did some of you younger readers check the first story as being the most accurate description of marriage? No doubt most of you middle-agers sighed and wearily checked the second story.

But wait just a minute before you cast your ballot for story 1. The truth of Romans 3:23, which mentions that “all have sinned,” will become more real in marriage than in any other human relationship. All saved sinners are broken. Although God did not design brokenness to be part of marriage when He created the sacred relationship in Eden, His intentions now are for marriages to be a “shared brokenness.” We do not deride our partner as we discover wider horizons to their weaknesses and imperfections, but we share their brokenness with patience and compassion, recognizing an equal level of brokenness in our own life. Refusing to live out marriage with a shared brokenness places an unattainable expectation on the backs of our companion. Instead of the solace of shared brokenness, we strain under a life of lonely burden.

Not quite ready to concede that story 1 is not the most accurate description of real life marriage? The truth of Ephesians 6:13, which is the wearing of the “armor of God,” is needed in our marriages as much as in any other area of life because when God created marriage in Eden, He designed it to radiate Who He is in a way that no individual man or woman could on their own. And since the devil hates with passion anything that bears the image of God’s glory and life, he attacks marriage with ferocity. Marriage is a “shared battle”, back to back with swords drawn against the sometimes subtle and sometimes open assaults of the enemy. An enemy who is not only intent on eradicating all traces of God’s glory but also annihilating our lives in the process.

But wait just a minute before you cast your ballot for story 2, a story which is sadly true about too many marriages. Song of Solomon 5:1—"Eat, O friends! Drink, yes, drink deeply, O beloved ones!”—will become more alive within marriage than any other human relationship. Marriage is a “shared celebration” of God’s bottomless ocean of love, a shared celebration of the joy we are given as ransomed men and women who will one day be perfect princes and princesses in restored Eden, and a shared celebration of the commission given to Adam and Eve, the shared mission to build God’s kingdom by breaking down the walls of darkness and erecting monuments of the glory and grace of God, not merely by defensive strategy, but by intentional offensive maneuvers against the very forces of hell.

So before you cast your ballot, go back and write “neither of the above” as another option, check it, and go home to live marriage in a sharing of brokenness, battles, and celebration!